1. Insist on a Substantial Cooling Off Period
There is almost no way that a human being can go from being romantically attracted to someone to being just friends in a short period of time. Emotions aren't switches that get flipped on and off. The old saying is that it takes half the length of the relationship to get over the relationship. So, a six-month romance requires a three-month healing period. It's impossible to be that precise with feelings but as a general rule - wait six months before trying to form a friendship. That means six months without phone calls, emails, and "how you doing?" texts. It's six months where you are completely out of each other's lives so that new relationships and new feelings can grow. If after that period of time, you still want to create a friendship with your old flame, you can start doing the groundwork.
2. Choose Your Venues Wisely
Attraction is a funny thing. Sometimes it just never dies. You may attend a 30-year high school reunion, see an old boyfriend, and have the same giddy feeling you did as a 16-year old. This nature of attraction must always be kept in mind and respected. Let's say you wait six months and meet your old flame to get reacquainted. Consider these possible venues:
1. Group of Friends Attending a Football Game, 12pm - Low Risk
2. Just the two of you at Starbucks. 1pm - Low Risk
3. Dinner with friends, 6pm - Medium Risk
4. After work cocktails, 6pm - High Risk
5. Late night drink, 10pm - Backslide Dead Ahead!
In fact, unless you're meeting each other with new romantic partners in tow, alcohol is a tremendous risk factor. You both need the judgment and restraint that comes with sobriety.
3. Build a Different Dynamic
Opposite sex friends need clear boundaries -- especially if they are involved in romantic relationships with other people. There are things about your interaction that need to change if you're going to be friends. For example, lovers often talk about very intimate feelings. Opposite sex friends who don't want to end up as lovers avoid these topics. There has to be a re-thinking of the ways that you interact.
This extends to your body language as well. Women often have a remarkable ability to tell if two people have had a romantic past. They observe the body language of these two people as they greet each other and talk; and they can predict with high accuracy whether they had a relationship together. They are very keenly observing the familiarity that two people with a sexual past have for each other - a kind of diminished personal space that regular good friends don't have. If you want to be friends with an ex, this is another area where you'll need to consciously work to reconsider your habits.
Staying Friends - is it a good idea? There is no definitive answer to this question. Just remember that building a friendship after a relationship is work. It isn't some easy lower gear you just shift in to. Before you say, "let stay friends" consider if it's what you really want, and whether it is worth the possible risks
What are your thoughts?
