The Top 3 Male Turnoffs

Ladies, I want to discuss a subject that I was discussing with my friends during ladies' night out. We were talking about how to attract a good man, and then I asked them, "What do you think turn men off by our behaviors?"  We know it is important to know how to get his engine roaring, but it is also a good idea to know what can destroy the engine. We need to know what turns men on and off. By knowing what types of behaviors will destroy, the engine will help us to stay in the driver's seat to keep the spark, and engine going in the right direction for a long relaxed ride.  After a heated discussion, with the girls, we came up with what we believe are men's top three turnoffs by women's behaviors:

• Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him
• Turnoff # 2: Flakiness
• Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Read below for more detail:

Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him

I don't know one woman who has not tried to change at least one man in her life time either intentionally or unintentionally.  You heard these saying before: I had to train him, or I had to retrain him.  Now ladies, if it was up to us, some of us would change the person  from top to bottom, how he dresses, his hair cut, how he eats, how he drives, how he walks, etc etc.

Which makes one wonder, what did you like about the person from the start if there is so much you want to change?    Ladies, if this is you...just stop it...there is a famous saying that "Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women hoping they won't." 

Let's spend more time on accepting them "as is" even when he chews with his mouth open.  Moreover, if you can't accept him "as is" then don't date him. As after all of your hard work of nagging/ yelling about him changing, he may be well-groomed and trained for someone else who will accept him for who he is.

Turnoff # 2: Flakiness

Ladies, raise your hand if you fall into this category of not committing to plans or at the last minute, canceling plans or sabotaging the plans because you are not really into the guy, or your hair is not right, or you are bloated as well as being flaky just to be a flake. If you are constantly saying, "maybe" or I will pencil you in, then you may have given your guy the impression that he is an option vs. a priority.  Just think about that for a moment, would you stick around with a guy who canceled plans continuously. Let me answer for you ---"No" 

So let's be a woman about it, and in Wendy Williams' voice, "Say it like you mean" because if you are not going to keep the date, then don't even agree to it in the first place.  When he stop asking you out altogether, look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you were being flaky and/or if you were making him an option vs. a priority.

Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Again, raise your hand if you have done this one, where you said these famous words, "You better" or "If you don't, then I will."  Not only are these types of ultimatums often empty promises, but they are often ineffective.  Because if you don't follow through, you come across as going back to my number two  of being flaky as well as my number one  as trying to change him.   Keep in mind that a healthy, vibrant, and long term relationship, don't need ultimatums as when you are communicating honestly, openly, and directly than ultimatums are unnecessary.

The point of dating is about meeting a variety of different people, so by knowing what are your turn offs and what are the men's turn offs, it will perhaps lead to less frustration and more health positive dating/relationships experiences.

What other women's behaviors turn men offs?

4 Secrets to a Spectacular Relationship

I'm always looking for great articles on love and relationships to continue to improve my relationships, so I found this quick read by Nicole Yorjo titled "4 Secrets to a Spectacular Relationship". The article was insightful and the tips were easy to implement without spending any money. These four love moves will bring you closer to your partner and increase your level of intimacy and connection. I included tips # 1 and #4, but read all 4 tips to improve your love life.

#1. Understand Each Other's Needs

"The main reason marriages break up is not conflict, communication problems, or physical incompatibility," Orbuch says. "It's frustration -- the day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts -- that is most damaging." To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe you desire more affection and he craves more relaxed couple time. "And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations," Orbuch says.

#4. Focus on the Good

The best way to make your relationship better is to work at fixing what's wrong, right? Nope. "The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage," Orbuch says. "That positive energy makes us feel good and motivates us to keep going in that direction."

This doesn't mean that you can't feel -- or talk about -- anything negative, but "pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale," she says. "If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad." The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you'll transform your partnership into one that is truly great.

I implemented these two tips with my partner and our relationships have improved significant as he knows exactly what I need out of the relationship and I understand his needs more clearly. With both of us focusing on the good, we bring out the best of each person. Try all four tips and see if these tips do not improve your relationship as well as feeling extremely loved and supported.

So join me in getting fit and healthy by changing our mind, body and spirit one day at a time.