The Top 3 Male Turnoffs

Ladies, I want to discuss a subject that I was discussing with my friends during ladies' night out. We were talking about how to attract a good man, and then I asked them, "What do you think turn men off by our behaviors?"  We know it is important to know how to get his engine roaring, but it is also a good idea to know what can destroy the engine. We need to know what turns men on and off. By knowing what types of behaviors will destroy, the engine will help us to stay in the driver's seat to keep the spark, and engine going in the right direction for a long relaxed ride.  After a heated discussion, with the girls, we came up with what we believe are men's top three turnoffs by women's behaviors:

• Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him
• Turnoff # 2: Flakiness
• Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Read below for more detail:

Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him

I don't know one woman who has not tried to change at least one man in her life time either intentionally or unintentionally.  You heard these saying before: I had to train him, or I had to retrain him.  Now ladies, if it was up to us, some of us would change the person  from top to bottom, how he dresses, his hair cut, how he eats, how he drives, how he walks, etc etc.

Which makes one wonder, what did you like about the person from the start if there is so much you want to change?    Ladies, if this is you...just stop it...there is a famous saying that "Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women hoping they won't." 

Let's spend more time on accepting them "as is" even when he chews with his mouth open.  Moreover, if you can't accept him "as is" then don't date him. As after all of your hard work of nagging/ yelling about him changing, he may be well-groomed and trained for someone else who will accept him for who he is.

Turnoff # 2: Flakiness

Ladies, raise your hand if you fall into this category of not committing to plans or at the last minute, canceling plans or sabotaging the plans because you are not really into the guy, or your hair is not right, or you are bloated as well as being flaky just to be a flake. If you are constantly saying, "maybe" or I will pencil you in, then you may have given your guy the impression that he is an option vs. a priority.  Just think about that for a moment, would you stick around with a guy who canceled plans continuously. Let me answer for you ---"No" 

So let's be a woman about it, and in Wendy Williams' voice, "Say it like you mean" because if you are not going to keep the date, then don't even agree to it in the first place.  When he stop asking you out altogether, look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you were being flaky and/or if you were making him an option vs. a priority.

Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Again, raise your hand if you have done this one, where you said these famous words, "You better" or "If you don't, then I will."  Not only are these types of ultimatums often empty promises, but they are often ineffective.  Because if you don't follow through, you come across as going back to my number two  of being flaky as well as my number one  as trying to change him.   Keep in mind that a healthy, vibrant, and long term relationship, don't need ultimatums as when you are communicating honestly, openly, and directly than ultimatums are unnecessary.

The point of dating is about meeting a variety of different people, so by knowing what are your turn offs and what are the men's turn offs, it will perhaps lead to less frustration and more health positive dating/relationships experiences.

What other women's behaviors turn men offs?

A Beginner's Guide to Menopause Support

A Beginner's Guide to Menopause Support

Menopause is different for each woman. I think we all know the common list of issues that are associated with menopause. Hot flashes, irregular periods, headaches, night sweats, mood swings, depression, anxiety, irregular sleep patterns, skin and vaginal dryness, heart palpitations, and the list goes on. The most important thing to get from this list is not a sense of being overwhelmed, but a sense of wow I am up against a lot, so I needs to understand that this will take some time to figure out. Try to realize that if I you are going to get back to your old self you need to be aware of your symptoms and try find treatments that target your specific issues. Also realize that you might be going through the change, but your friends and family are along for the ride as well. Their love and emotional support can be very healing. Try to use humor when you can and explain to them what is happening. A good friend told me she sat her husband down and told him "Do not speak, do not argue with me, just let me do the talking. I know that I am the one who is trying to get my hormone levels under control and I am the one taking the hormone pills, but some how when I take these pills you become very stupid and very annoying. I know the pills should not effect you, but they are making you into a stupid and annoying jerk, so please be aware of that and do your best while I am going through this to try not to be stupid or annoying."

Because she was able to tell him exactly what she was thinking he was able to understand she did not hate him, and they were able to joke more about the mood issues. She was also able to get an honest outside opinion from someone who knew her well. He told her that she was not going crazy and that indeed since she started taking the pills there had been a major change in her temper and overall mood. When she went to the doctors he was able to be her advocate. He was able to tell the doctor what her symptoms were like as an observer because she was not in denial about her symptoms. This made it much easier for the doctor to understand what was happening and faster to find a treatment plan that worked. I am happy to report, once she got off the hormone replacement her husband recovered nicely from his spell of being an annoying, stupid jerk. On the flip side, many women find hormone replacement therapy is the only thing that does provide relief and emotional stability. Menopause help is self help. Realize that when it comes to treatment and therapies that one size will not fit all, so start researching, give therapies time to work, and be ready to try something new if a treatment is not working out for you.

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Millard Hiner editor and publisher of noxobmp. com and author of many articles Behavioral Modification Products has a collection of these on his new website http://www.menopausalsupportnoxo.com/ which includes information and articles about Menopause Help.

Five "Cs" To Promoting Positive Relationships

Five "Cs" To Promoting Positive Relationships

Connection/Building a Trust
Connect and build trust with people on a personal one to one level, listen intently, show compassion and empathy, spend quality time with the people, and reinforce your words with actions as trust is the foundation upon which all relationships and interactions are built

Communication
Make an effort to always communicate in an open, honest and direct manner. This allow for people to hear your message as you intended vs. allow others to create their own interpretations and assumptions

Cooperation
Enter into most relationships with a spirit of cooperation this will often lead to a win/win situation. As all parties will feel that their thoughts, ideas and solutions were heard and considered which opens the door for everyone to feel validated, supported and apart of the process/solution

Clear Expectations
Set clear expectations then under promise and over deliver. Stop yourself from agreeing to demands and unrealistic time frames just because you want to please others. Give yourself time to think rationally about the consequences of dedicating your time and energy to it

Contribution
When the opportunity presents itself make an effort to get everyone's contributions, thoughts , and ideas allow everyone to feel connected to the process of coming up with a viable solution that may have an impact on their life/work

As you establish these 5 Cs you will see your personal and work relationships flourish and blossom into something special and unstoppable.

Which "C" can you start implementing today to improve your relationships?