The Top 3 Male Turnoffs

Ladies, I want to discuss a subject that I was discussing with my friends during ladies' night out. We were talking about how to attract a good man, and then I asked them, "What do you think turn men off by our behaviors?"  We know it is important to know how to get his engine roaring, but it is also a good idea to know what can destroy the engine. We need to know what turns men on and off. By knowing what types of behaviors will destroy, the engine will help us to stay in the driver's seat to keep the spark, and engine going in the right direction for a long relaxed ride.  After a heated discussion, with the girls, we came up with what we believe are men's top three turnoffs by women's behaviors:

• Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him
• Turnoff # 2: Flakiness
• Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Read below for more detail:

Turnoff # 1: Trying to change him

I don't know one woman who has not tried to change at least one man in her life time either intentionally or unintentionally.  You heard these saying before: I had to train him, or I had to retrain him.  Now ladies, if it was up to us, some of us would change the person  from top to bottom, how he dresses, his hair cut, how he eats, how he drives, how he walks, etc etc.

Which makes one wonder, what did you like about the person from the start if there is so much you want to change?    Ladies, if this is you...just stop it...there is a famous saying that "Women marry men hoping they'll change. Men marry women hoping they won't." 

Let's spend more time on accepting them "as is" even when he chews with his mouth open.  Moreover, if you can't accept him "as is" then don't date him. As after all of your hard work of nagging/ yelling about him changing, he may be well-groomed and trained for someone else who will accept him for who he is.

Turnoff # 2: Flakiness

Ladies, raise your hand if you fall into this category of not committing to plans or at the last minute, canceling plans or sabotaging the plans because you are not really into the guy, or your hair is not right, or you are bloated as well as being flaky just to be a flake. If you are constantly saying, "maybe" or I will pencil you in, then you may have given your guy the impression that he is an option vs. a priority.  Just think about that for a moment, would you stick around with a guy who canceled plans continuously. Let me answer for you ---"No" 

So let's be a woman about it, and in Wendy Williams' voice, "Say it like you mean" because if you are not going to keep the date, then don't even agree to it in the first place.  When he stop asking you out altogether, look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you were being flaky and/or if you were making him an option vs. a priority.

Turnoff # 3: Ultimatums

Again, raise your hand if you have done this one, where you said these famous words, "You better" or "If you don't, then I will."  Not only are these types of ultimatums often empty promises, but they are often ineffective.  Because if you don't follow through, you come across as going back to my number two  of being flaky as well as my number one  as trying to change him.   Keep in mind that a healthy, vibrant, and long term relationship, don't need ultimatums as when you are communicating honestly, openly, and directly than ultimatums are unnecessary.

The point of dating is about meeting a variety of different people, so by knowing what are your turn offs and what are the men's turn offs, it will perhaps lead to less frustration and more health positive dating/relationships experiences.

What other women's behaviors turn men offs?

PART 2--Should You Really "Stay Friends" After The Relationship is Over?

Previously we discussed the reasons for not staying friends, but here are three reasons to stay friends from the article Should You Really "Stay Friends" After The Relationship is Over? by eharmony staff.

1. Insist on a Substantial Cooling Off Period
There is almost no way that a human being can go from being romantically attracted to someone to being just friends in a short period of time. Emotions aren't switches that get flipped on and off. The old saying is that it takes half the length of the relationship to get over the relationship. So, a six-month romance requires a three-month healing period. It's impossible to be that precise with feelings but as a general rule - wait six months before trying to form a friendship. That means six months without phone calls, emails, and "how you doing?" texts. It's six months where you are completely out of each other's lives so that new relationships and new feelings can grow. If after that period of time, you still want to create a friendship with your old flame, you can start doing the groundwork.

2. Choose Your Venues Wisely
Attraction is a funny thing. Sometimes it just never dies. You may attend a 30-year high school reunion, see an old boyfriend, and have the same giddy feeling you did as a 16-year old. This nature of attraction must always be kept in mind and respected. Let's say you wait six months and meet your old flame to get reacquainted. Consider these possible venues:

1. Group of Friends Attending a Football Game, 12pm - Low Risk
2. Just the two of you at Starbucks. 1pm - Low Risk
3. Dinner with friends, 6pm - Medium Risk
4. After work cocktails, 6pm - High Risk
5. Late night drink, 10pm - Backslide Dead Ahead!

In fact, unless you're meeting each other with new romantic partners in tow, alcohol is a tremendous risk factor. You both need the judgment and restraint that comes with sobriety.

3. Build a Different Dynamic

Opposite sex friends need clear boundaries -- especially if they are involved in romantic relationships with other people. There are things about your interaction that need to change if you're going to be friends. For example, lovers often talk about very intimate feelings. Opposite sex friends who don't want to end up as lovers avoid these topics. There has to be a re-thinking of the ways that you interact.

This extends to your body language as well. Women often have a remarkable ability to tell if two people have had a romantic past. They observe the body language of these two people as they greet each other and talk; and they can predict with high accuracy whether they had a relationship together. They are very keenly observing the familiarity that two people with a sexual past have for each other - a kind of diminished personal space that regular good friends don't have. If you want to be friends with an ex, this is another area where you'll need to consciously work to reconsider your habits.

Staying Friends - is it a good idea? There is no definitive answer to this question. Just remember that building a friendship after a relationship is work. It isn't some easy lower gear you just shift in to. Before you say, "let stay friends" consider if it's what you really want, and whether it is worth the possible risks

What are your thoughts?

Top 10 Principles to Achieve Peace, Happiness and Success

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

"Do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you."

Luke 12:29-31

"So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us."

2 Thessalonians 2:15

"The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted."

Matthew 23:11-12

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Exodus 20:17

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."

Ecclesiastes 9:10

"We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work."

John 9:4

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win." 1 Corinthians 9:24

"Earnestly desire the greater gifts. And I show you a still more excellent way."

1 Corinthians 12:31

"How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?"

John 5:44